Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down!
(That’s what the church people say
on the first sunday of advent)

Light a candle and burn it all the way down and yet
the darkness remains

Oh that you would rend the inky blackness and
crash into this ice cold planet in an explosion of light
again

How long oh Lord?
How long oh Lord?
How long oh Lord?

Fuck this shit, oh Lord.
This is my tired advent prayer. Fuck this shit indeed. Amen.
which, being translated, means:
how long oh lord? until you heal what has been
rent nearly beyond repair.

Wait. Stay awake.
Lean into the longing. Hope against the darkness.

But I tired of waiting. I am impatient with patience.
And oh by the way I’m tired of being tired too.
So fuck this shit.
Or rend the heavens and come down.
Either one will do.

“Sometimes the only thing left to do is simply
hold onto each other and dance in the darkness, waiting
for the light.”

But I’m tired of the darkness, tired of the waiting
Bone weary of this waltz that is
Three steps forward two steps back
Around and around and around in the darkness
One two three One two three One two three
Amen.

Oh, that the Christmas miracle of God-in-a-manger wouldn’t be
just a one-time magic trick.
Because god we could use a Christmas miracle these days

because by now the ice and the snow and the darkness are
already old friends but we haven’t even
reached the darkest day yet.
And I’m scared. And I am bleeding. And I am tired.
Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down.

Wait. Stay awake.
Lean into the longing. Hope against the darkness.
(That’s what the church people say)

But I can count down the hours till sunrise I can
count down the days till Christmas I cannot
count down the days until ….
because I do not know.

hope that is seen is not hope. yet,
i am tired of hoping in the darkness.
fuck this shit.

Advent is a season for longing and lament
(That’s what the church people say)
so God, if you’re listening
I hope you’re ok with all this.
amen.

and p.s., God, if it’s not too much trouble
could you spare a few moments to
rend the heavens and come down?

originally published December 2014


 

Tuhina Verma Rasche and Jason Chesnut have created a “Fuck This Shit” devotional guide to inspire creativity and lament this Advent season. Share and read on Twitter at #FuckThisShit.
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[ image: rosipaw ]

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