Over the past few years this blog has granted me a unique glimpse into our collective humanity. Not only in the words we share and the comments we leave, but in the questions we ask when we are alone with our search engines.

What follows are 150 actual search terms that led people to my blog in the past year.

I have copied these phrases verbatim from my analytics dashboard, sorted them by topic, arranged them by plot and cadence. I have added only question marks.

I hope you will read these words as short stories, as found poetry. They are startling, confusing, hilarious, and heartbreaking. Together, they form a candid view of our bizarre human condition – all pain and longing and profanity and hope. 

 

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EXISTENCE

distinguish between the concepts of love and hate

i dunno what the fuck i’m feeling

so maybe i don’t want to live anymore

i just don’t feel the same way anymore

how do some people have their shit together?

i wish i didn’t have a body

 

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CHAOS

i want to blog but i hate

who the hell is micah j. murray?

god needs to stop creating more people

friends who can’t get their shit together

poop doesn’t hold together

bipolar man dismantled engine

micah j. murray bipolar

can god make me white?

that won’t be a problem i’m from scotland

images of without coffee, there would be chaos and darkness

true stories people making it after having their heart broken

 

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SIN

is hate a greater sin than pre marital sex?

is streeping a sin?

are hobbies a sin?

if a muslim is driving a car and unknowinly hits a person.is it a sin?

i sin a lot. it’s hard to love me.

i sin too much to play on the worship team

 

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JESUS

pics of jesus in heaven

jesus christ teacher, judge but did not go to college

did paul hang out with jesus?

how do we manage to have jesus picture since there was no camera then?

 

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FAITH

crap my faith in god is slipping

i’m having trouble believing in jesus, does god not what me in heaven?

is it normal that after years of looking for jesus i start to believe that he is not there?

i’m doing all the right things for god but nothings happening

i have been treated like dirt and thought i heard god say to hang on and wait. but its enough now, nothing is changing

i tried believing in something but wound up miserable

i don’t want to be brainwashed by christianity

i was raised a christian, now i’m atheist. is there something wrong?

did god make me to send me to hell since i’m not baptized and he knew i wouldn’t be?

it will be very sad to wake up every morning go to church die and go to hell

faith does not give answer it stops u from asking all them questions

has anyone won the lottery by believing and having faith?

my belief in god keeps me broke and miserable

what books should i read to stop believing in god?

 

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CALVINISM

how to challenge john piper followers

help! i’m tired of debating calvinism they won’t leave me alone?

some bible scholars says, god has conducted his election on those that will be in heaven with him. is it true?

i’m a girl and i believe in calvinism

john piper leaves me feeling guilty

worried i am not elect

calvinism has ruined my faith

i am so glad god chose me before i was born because he would not choose me after i was born.

 

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LOOKING GOOD

american men fashions atrocious

how can someone change these ugly looks inherited from parents?

what to do when you’re not that good looking anymore

i wish i was a hot woman

 

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SEX

eating money or having sex in the church which one is better?

show me naked fotos of men and women

only sexy hot videos in that women don’t have dress on body

images of clothes , which i can wear before going to sex

i am love i give some sex

we in love, we had sex.we are christian.do god still love us?

jesus save me im not a virgin anymore

what part of tge body wears out alot cause of sex?

 

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RELATIONSHIPS

men men men and more men

every where we go men stare lustfully at my sexy hot wife

my wife shits

i kissed dating goodbye ruined my life

is it wrong for me to marry a lady from another church rather from my church?

how to find a healthy reformed believing christinan woman

i knew you when we were young and now you are an amazing sexy man

please help me find me somewhere to stay to support me and mines and fuck yuh bitch cause yuh dont mean nothing to me

is kissing a friend who is dating someone else wrong?

don’t know how to be seductive

dating four men want to dismiss all of them without hurting them much what do i do?

what is another word to use when saying im being tired of my marriage?

norm, why do you have an interest in me? do you think i want to punish you for what has happened?

what is it called when u want to.be with someone but you dnt even have ur shyt together and neather does he?

 

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BEING GAY

the spirit of lesbian came upon us,stories

if we are to love one another why is being a lebisian wrong?

what should we say to a lesbian?

im not gay but lust to men what is wrong with me?

at what age do people decide they are gay?

how do gays know that they are in love?

im gay n i believe in god will i go to heaven?

im christian but i cant help from being gay

i’ve been called to preach but i’m gay

i am gay and wonder if god loves me and listens to me when i talk and pray to him

i’m gay and i can’t say it

will everyone hate me if they knew i am gay?

my son came out as gay and i don’t like him anymore

 

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GENDER

male non biased viewpoint of feminism

60 years have passed since we could turn on the television & see women in skirts tending to their place in the kitchen

why aren’t i allowed to hurt women?

can a woman dominate a man completely in real fight?

christian feminists want a matriarchy

shirtless men and christianity

are women in anyway sexually attracted to a man’s bare chest?

is it ok for women to need men?

essays based on the dangers of seductive femininity

film of guy walking down country road talking about gender equity

women’s favourite male body parts

why do men grunt when they see a pretty woman?

do men actually like women or just as sexual objects?

do men picture all women naked?

why are women’s bodies sexual but not men’s?

tips on how to.handle men who like prostitutes

 

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POLITICS

im a conservative christian and im struggling with being a liberal

i love barack obama so much

barack osama

i didn’t join facebook to have someone preach their politics to me

obama so loved the poor he decided to make some more bumper sticker

black men amaze me sometimes, the very people that fought & lost their lives to overthrow oppression by the white man

why are so many americans believing in science over faith in jesus?

are there any devout christians still left in the usa?

 

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FAMILY

feeling depressed and tired because of extremely religious family

mom doesn’t think i’m christian enough

can mothers actually get to a point where they cant stand their children anymore?

can’t do home school anymore i’m so worn out my husband doesn’t want to pay for christian school

homeschooling hurt my relationship with my children

what are we suppose to do if chirstian adult daughter walks away from faith and blogs about it putting parents down?

can my child go to heaven if she doesn’t believe in god?

 

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CHRISTIANS

someone told me years ago while praying for me saw a division sign on my head what does this mean?

extremely depressed cant listen to christian music why?

ppl be on fb professing their ljve for christ but in real life they don’t

i hate facebook i’m a christian

im a christian but i dont just want to always be sharing the gospel, whats wrong with me?

how to explain to a loved one that you dont think they are truly saved christian

what to say to someone who quit believing in god

how to win with an asshole christian

christians having their poop together

 

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CHURCH

in school i was attending this cool fellowship. it was known on campus to have many pretty girls in attendance

i was walking into church. i heard weird sounds. what does it mean?

why we should accept people who wobble their heads in church?

why does my pastor threaten me with bad luck for not giving his church my tithes?

why does it feel better going to church high?

why do christains shit on people?

sunday you are blessed in church and monday you are alone depressed

what to do when it seems like the whole church is against you

no where to fit in church sucks

woman in my church posted nudes online

preachers using fear, guilt, anger to keep their kids in the church

too much church makes girls judgemental and mean

my church authorities hides sexual harassment

my pastor pushes me away from church because i refuse to have sex with him

my church broke my heart

god doesn’t want ugly people in church

life outside church is great ive never felt so alive

is it normal to feel alone after leaving church?

what would be the perfect church for my generation?

 

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SELF-EXPRESSION

i’m the god of my own reality

i’m very good at what i do i’m not denying that i’m really good at what i do it’s something i’m uniqely designed for

i don’t have any energy anymore no staminai don’t have any energy anymore no stamina

i am not pleased i have had a long day and i do not need this shit