Spirituality
The Grace of Insignificance
recently a few folks have emailed me to tell me that they perceive me as sad, lost, hurting, or broken because of how i have been playing with language around ideas of god, faith, and existence. this always catches me by surprise, because i am happy + at peace, more than I’ve been in a…
Read MoreWhen Ego and Idol
finally are shattered
Read MoreGod Did Not Speak to Me
God did not speak to me. I spoke and my voice was divine, though I was unaware that all the “god” i seek is not something, someone, an entity bearing being somewhere beyond the universe. god has only always been everything, and I keep forgetting.
Read MoreJesus Dies on the Cross
It’s Good Friday and I’m standing barefoot in my driveway with a sledge hammer and a fistful of nails. Scattered around me on the ground are broken pieces of an old church pew, a shattered portrait of Jesus, the small leather Bible I read every single day many lifetimes ago (when I was a good Christian).
Read MoreI Will Cease My Relentless Deconstruction
I will cease my relentless deconstruction when I have excavated deep enough to find something solid upon which I can begin to build again. So far I have found only foundations that turn to sand when I rest the weight of my full being against them. I would be a fool to build on sand.…
Read MoreMost Days Humanity is a Shrug of Futility
Most days, humanity is a shrug of futility. My religion taught me to deny this fundamental existential reality. I was supposed to convince myself that god has a plan for my life. I was supposed to convince myself that I was created for a purpose. /// There are two problems with these beliefs: 1.) they…
Read MoreOnce Upon a Time
once upon a time I was god. once upon a time I was a star. when I was a star I was god but I did not know it then. I do not know it now, either. once upon a time I was born. on the day I was born, manacles were clamped on…
Read MoreO Silent Infinite (a Prayer for Advent)
O Silent Infinite, being beyond being which transcends existence (or exists not at all except in our shared desire for You) Our hearts are filled with stories, myths, and songs that say once upon a time on a silent, holy night you became one of us. Could it be true? could You really be born…
Read Morechurchdread
It’s been 207 days now since I have been to church. It’s been 207 days now since I have received the Eucharist, what once was to me the Body and Blood of God. There have been two exceptions: Rachel’s funeral and my wedding. (And I’m not sure the one at my wedding even counted, since…
Read MoreTo Church
I didn’t go to church yesterday. I didn’t go last week either, or the week before that (but that one was probably cancelled because of snow and ice anyways). I wish that I could. I wish that I could walk into a church building — any church building — and feel ok. I wish that…
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