Most days, humanity is a shrug of futility.
My religion taught me to deny this fundamental existential reality. I was supposed to convince myself that god has a plan for my life. I was supposed to convince myself that I was created for a purpose.
There are two problems with these beliefs: 1.) they feel absolutely inconsistent with my lived experience. 2.) they create a god who simultaneously loves me and harms me, which is the functional definition of abuse.
My religion created a lot of clever tricks to solve these problems — epistemologies and theodicies and a lot of other big empty words. I don’t think they ever convinced me. They just convinced me to not look to closely.
There’s a way to solve the problems caused by these beliefs. Here’s one trick religion doesn’t want you to know:
let go of them.
Embrace the shrug of futility.
Love your absurd existence for all that it is, and forgive it for all that it is not.
Don’t be afraid of the void. Gaze at this beautiful, futile, complex, and meaningless universe with your eyes wide open.
It may be the only god that we have. It may be enough.
published March 7, 2020
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