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day 5: daaaaaamn I gotta write some shit

Buckle your britches kiddos because this one is going to be a doozy.

And by that I mean that it’s a few minutes before midnight and I just got done playing a few hours of back to back basketball and volleyball and all I can think about is making some nachos, but I’m over here like “Daaaaaamn I gotta write some shit for that blog thing I’m doing.”

Lower thy expectations.

Mostly the value here is reminding myself that there are ups and downs in this rodeo. Yesterday I felt good about what I wrote, like: “Hey! That was coherent and slightly intriguing and only took me a few minutes to write. Sweeeeeet. Maybe I’m getting back in this writing groove!” Now I’m over here like “Nachos. Nachos. Nachos. Nachos and hot dogs. And peanut butter.”

I think my body is saying that it wants more calories due to the aforementioned volleyball and basketball.

(several minutes of me sitting blankly with my fingers resting on the keyboard. does this constitute writing?)

two confessions:

first: yesterday I went over the ten minutes. by like 3 or 4. maybe it’s not a big deal unless you’re a recovering legalist like me. but part of the whole gimmick is writing for ten minutes, and what good is having a gimmick if you’re going to fudge it on Day 4? the takeaway from that though is encouraging, specifically; if you write for ten minutes straight, forcing the words out, it’s possible that it may jump-start a longer train of thought that will take you someplace you actually want to go.

second: i am the worst at getting enough sleep lately. and i can feel it in — in my bones, in my brain matter, in my depression cloud, everything. i have one of those watches that tracks my heart rate and sleep and it says I’m getting only 5 and a half hours of sleep per night. not really enough. and every night I promise myself I’ll take care of my body by getting more sleep. but then when evening comes there are websites to build and interesting things to read and pages to turn and people to talk to and I end every day by saying “tomorrow I’ll take care of my body by getting more rest.”

sleep, water, vegetables, and exercise. those really are the keys to happiness, I think. that and human connection. interesting, isn’t it, that we allow ourselves to be bamboozled into believing that happiness is something we can buy at ikea, or download on our phones, or drink in a bar?

bamboozled is one of my favorite words. so is happiness.

happiness is, i believe, underrated. back in my church days we used to quote this grouchy old dude named Oswald Chambers who once said: “God doesn’t care about your happiness. God cares about your holiness.”

And well… what the fuck is the point of being holy if you’re not going to be happy while you’re at it?

Also, why would god make butterflies and puppies and sunrises and nachos if (s)he didn’t care about our happiness?

This blog post is part of #write31days. This year I’m skipping out on a theme and going with ten minutes of unedited free-writing every day (unless I don’t feel like it, let’s be honest). You can read more posts from my #write31days by clicking here.

published October 5, 2016

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