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some stuff i've written about abuse

I'm Tired of Talking about Bill Gothard & the Duggars

I’m so very tired. I just got home from a four-day camping trip — four days of sunshine and rain and afternoon naps and black coffee — and when I opened my computer for the first time last night, the notifications…

When We Throw Stones

“Let him who is without sin throw the first stone.” That’s what they say, when religious leaders are questioned about their abusive and manipulative actions. “We all make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. You wouldn’t want somebody airing all your dirty laundry, would…

Dear Mr. Gothard

A few months ago, Heather shared this story with me. I sat motionless reading the words you’re about to read, my heart breaking at the horror of it all. My mind didn’t want to believe it, but I knew in…

My Innocence Was Stolen From Me

A few days ago an essay was published titled “My Easy Trip from Youth Pastor to Felon.” The narrator relates his story of a “spiral into sin”, detailing how his sin destroyed his life and ministry. It wasn’t until the very end…

Because I Keep Dying

Nikki sent this to me yesterday, wanting her story to be heard. There’s nothing I can say to introduce this. Just listen. ( content warning: descriptions of sexual assault / rape ) I started dying when I was very young. During a…

Because I Am Worthy of Respect

I had only planned to share a handful of #YesAllWomen stories here last week. But then I read what Bek Curtis’ wrote. This is a difficult, uncomfortable read. But it needs to be seen, and shared. I don’t ever want us…

Because It's Not Just Me

Carmen Ibrahim got in touch with me last week after reading several #YesAllWomen stories. She wanted to share hers too. And I’m so glad she did. (Carmen has requested that those who know her personally not share this post on…

Because You Can't Know Until It's Too Late

Over the weekend, thousands of women used the hashtag #YesAllWomen to talk about the harassment, abuse, discrimination, and fear that they face every day – just because of their gender. These stories only scratch the surface of what many have experienced – including my…

When We Hang Millstones on Children

I want you to see this. It comes from Mary DeMuth, a friend who is bravely speaking up about the abuse she experienced, and the abuse she sees in the church. This is something that has been heavy on my heart…

Confessions of a Recovering Cynic

For years, I wore the label on my forehead in big black letters: “Cynic.” I was eighteen, nineteen, twenty and immersed in a dysfunctional system where authoritarianism and cognitive dissonance ruled supreme. I was a boy becoming a man and…