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What I Wish Women Knew About Men

Dear Women,

Summer is almost here, which means that us men are going to be forced to realize you have a body and skin and curves. This is very difficult for us men. We have to constantly be on guard against danger (and by “danger” I mean you). This is why I wish you knew that…

We are Visual

I know you can’t understand what it’s like to be physically attracted to somebody. You prefer romance and long talks to hot bodies and actual sex, but that’s not how us guys are. We’re visual. This means that we see women primarily as objects, collections of walking body parts. We can’t help it. It’s just the way biology made us.

We Can’t Control Ourselves

Because we are biologically wired to see you as objects, being confronted with your physical existence transforms us from being actual humans into sex-fueled robots. Although men are normally more rational than women, we simply can’t control our thoughts or actions when we see female skin. We’re then faced with the difficult choice to either look away quickly or continue to be visually assaulted by your existence. (Obviously we can’t look at you and see you as a fellow human being; that’s simply too much to expect of us men.)

We Need You To Cover Up

Fortunately, you can solve our pesky attractions and unruly urges by simply covering yourself up. This is why your clothing choices need to be based on how they will affect us guys. Unlike men, you obviously can’t be trusted to know how to dress yourselves appropriately. But if you respect yourself enough to allow your choices to be dictated by the arbitrary whims of men, men will respect you too. This should make you feel valued, ladies.

We Matter Too

Although men dress ourselves based on comfort, taste, and social appropriateness, it’s selfish of you to do the same. It’s almost as if you forget that what matters most is what men think of how you look. It’s simply not fair to us for you to be sexy or attractive if we can’t use your body.

Please, respect yourself enough to join us in the objectification of your body. Please, care enough about us to treat us like the animals that we are. Please, remember how dangerous your body is to us men.  Please, don’t expect us to see you as fellow human beings with thoughts and feelings and value and dignity.

Oh, and please smile.

[ image: thebestfeeling ]

published April 30, 2014

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