So we’re twenty three days into this project of becoming human, and I guess I want to say that today I’m happy.

That’s all.

But you know it’s been a long road to get here.

I was thinking about that, today, about what it takes to choose happiness. About how many times in the past few months I’ve tried to find that spark of joy in my life, only to be met with clouds that felt like they’d never end.

For these twenty three days, I’ve made mostly a lot of really good choices toward joy.

I’ve taken care of my body: doing yoga and running, eating good food, drinking green juice. I’ve stopped drinking beer and wine and whiskey (except for on weekends)and cut back on coffee. I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve written, I’ve read good books. I’ve spent time with people I love, focusing on building relationships that matter. And I’ve been trying to go to sleep before midnight.

Plus, I’ve been doing THIS every day — writing. Work I love, with people I care about. This is is one of the most meaningful parts of my life, and I’ve prioritized it this month.

None of this is a miracle cure for sadness, by any means; but maybe all together these lifestyle changes have helped my body and soul fight back against the despair just a little bit.

Can I be honest with you though?

I don’t trust this happiness. I know that joy is a fragile thing, and I might wake up tomorrow with a crushing sense of meaninglessness and emptiness in my life.

I hope not.

During the month of October, I’m joining the Write31Days challenge to talk about 31 Days of Becoming Human. Click here to read all posts in the series.