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i make the river sing

This is now, now. Fuck. This is a new year. These are the first words of a new year. Time is meaningless, and so is existence, but I am ensnared in both, god in skin trapped in meaningless time and…

Why Won’t God Fucking Do Something?

It’s an amazing, intricate, world full of suffering and death. It’s not enough. But it’s all we have.

a to-do list for disoriented humans

sometimes people ask how the fuck we’re suppose to find meaning in an ultimately meaningless and absurd universe; for me, this is part of the answer.

How Firm a Foundation?

If I had been able to really believe, none of this would have happened. If I had ever been able to experience the God they spoke of in the way they spoke of Him, I probably would have been satisfied….

Always Has Been

last night i had a dream / vision wherein I briefly escaped this time/space-bound reality and saw the gods and us and everything floating in galaxies + grids. “come out here and dance with us,” the gods beckoned. I looked,…

The Grace of Insignificance

recently a few folks have emailed me to tell me that they perceive me as sad, lost, hurting, or broken because of how i have been playing with language around ideas of god, faith, and existence. this always catches me…

When Ego and Idol

finally are shattered

God Did Not Speak to Me

God did not speak to me. I spoke and my voice was divine, though I was unaware that all the “god” i seek is not something, someone, an entity bearing being somewhere beyond the universe. god has only always been…

a love letter to my friends (in late spring this year)

you should have been here by now. for six months i have been staring out this window at the naked trees, watching the snow fall and melt and waiting to share spring with you i was going to buy $100…

Jesus Dies on the Cross

It’s Good Friday and I’m standing barefoot in my driveway with a sledge hammer and a fistful of nails. Scattered around me on the ground are broken pieces of an old church pew, a shattered portrait of Jesus, the small leather Bible I read every single day many lifetimes ago (when I was a good Christian).