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O Silent Infinite (a Prayer for Advent)
O Silent Infinite, being beyond being which transcends existence (or exists not at all except in our shared desire for You) Our hearts are filled with stories, myths, and songs that say once upon a time on a silent, holy…
churchdread
It’s been 207 days now since I have been to church. It’s been 207 days now since I have received the Eucharist, what once was to me the Body and Blood of God. There have been two exceptions: Rachel’s funeral…
To Church
I didn’t go to church yesterday. I didn’t go last week either, or the week before that (but that one was probably cancelled because of snow and ice anyways). I wish that I could. I wish that I could walk…
Disconnect
We didn’t have internet in our house until I was in high school. I have no idea how we learned stuff, or where our music came from, or how we knew how to cook vegan butternut squash soup. Paper, I…
Confessions of a Reluctant Writer
I stopped being vulnerable about faith a long time ago. I still write things that are true and real and come from a deep part of me but it doesn’t really feel risky anymore. I’ve said “fuck christianity” and “nothing…
for Keenan, if you find this
Yesterday when I picked you up from school you said to me: “Today we got to do whatever we want to in school. Guess what I did?” I guessed that you made music on an iPad, because I know how…
Why I Say Swear Words at Church Sometimes
“You’re not as special as you think you are.” That’s what Dave told me a few weeks ago. Up until that point, I thought I was pretty special. I thought I was special because I feel dead inside almost every…
Lament for the Slave Girl in Pharaoh’s House
[cw: rape] “Thus says the Lord: About midnight I will go out in the midst of Egypt, and every firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sits on his throne, even to…
The God Who Doubts
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…” And I wonder if, after he sat down at an ancient typewriter and composed the opening line of his own biography, god was seized with the voice of self doubt…
The Last Day of July
I am surrounded by gremlins with good hearts and under-developed brains. This is what I tell myself as I collapse into our big yellow armchair (IKEA STRADMON) and survey the wreckage of an ordinary summer day in a house with…