I used to think of God as always either calling or sending.
But those ideas — calling or sending — suggest that god is somewhere other than right beside me
I now think of god who as one who walks along with me, every step.
And god isn’t nearly so concerned with where I walk, as much as that I stay close to god as I walk.
But what if I wander away and…. nope. There’s no place I can walk that god won’t walk with me.
if i ascend into heaven, he is there. if i descend into hell, he is there. if i take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, ever there his hands hold me and gently guide me
I’ve never felt very confident about a decision until after I’d made it. Sometimes, not even then.
After all, god doesn’t seem to be the sort who gives us more than one step to go on at any given moment.
But that’s why it’s called faith, I suppose. If I felt certain and confident and sure, I would hardly need faith at all.
So I keep stumbling forward, mistakes and risks and failures and regrets, and god walks with me the whole way. God has never left my side.
And remarkably, god’s never been mad at me for all the trial-and-error fumbling along I’ve managed. Not once. God has never punched me or yelled at me, though I’ve often cringed in anticipation of it. Every now and then god lets me wander down a dead end for a few minutes, and then gently takes my shoulders and point them another direction.
Because the life of faith isn’t a fucking tightrope. It’s not a “circle of blessing” you can step out of. It’s not a one-right-way math problem.
It is a dance. A relentless improvisation between my wild and beautiful spirit and the untamable spirit of god. My desires and hers swirling together to bring the kingdom of god into the world through my singularly precious life.
Wherever I walk, I walk with god.
Wherever I walk, that is the path.
published October 21, 2015
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