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some stuff i've written about Spirituality

The Grace of Insignificance

recently a few folks have emailed me to tell me that they perceive me as sad, lost, hurting, or broken because of how i have been playing with language around ideas of god, faith, and existence. this always catches me…

When Ego and Idol

finally are shattered

God Did Not Speak to Me

God did not speak to me. I spoke and my voice was divine, though I was unaware that all the “god” i seek is not something, someone, an entity bearing being somewhere beyond the universe. god has only always been…

Jesus Dies on the Cross

It’s Good Friday and I’m standing barefoot in my driveway with a sledge hammer and a fistful of nails. Scattered around me on the ground are broken pieces of an old church pew, a shattered portrait of Jesus, the small leather Bible I read every single day many lifetimes ago (when I was a good Christian).

I Will Cease My Relentless Deconstruction

I will cease my relentless deconstruction when I have excavated deep enough to find something solid upon which I can begin to build again. So far I have found only foundations that turn to sand when I rest the weight…

Most Days Humanity is a Shrug of Futility

Most days, humanity is a shrug of futility. My religion taught me to deny this fundamental existential reality. I was supposed to convince myself that god has a plan for my life. I was supposed to convince myself that I…

Once Upon a Time

once upon a time I was god. once upon a time I was a star. when I was a star I was god but I did not know it then. I do not know it now, either.   once upon…

O Silent Infinite (a Prayer for Advent)

O Silent Infinite, being beyond being which transcends existence (or exists not at all except in our shared desire for You) Our hearts are filled with stories, myths, and songs that say once upon a time on a silent, holy…

churchdread

It’s been 207 days now since I have been to church. It’s been 207 days now since I have received the Eucharist, what once was to me the Body and Blood of God. There have been two exceptions: Rachel’s funeral…

To Church

I didn’t go to church yesterday. I didn’t go last week either, or the week before that (but that one was probably cancelled because of snow and ice anyways). I wish that I could. I wish that I could walk…